Social Media Lesson

Social Media Lesson:

(Why I am doing a Facebook cleanse)
I learned something at a training class a few months ago. I think it's valuable to share. And you should SHARE it too!

True story:

We had a great morning of training and just before lunch the facilitator stood at the front of the room and asked if anyone had any questions before the break.
A woman at the back spoke up loudly with her question and the facilitator ignored her. We were all wondering if he didn't hear her, and she must have wondered as well, because a few minutes later she asked the question again. This time even louder.

I was starting to wonder what was wrong with this guy as he kept training and didn't even acknowledge her. There was no way he didn't hear her...

Then he stopped mid-sentence and asked:
"Did anyone notice what happened here?"
Of course we all nodded.
I answered on behalf of the group that it "seemed strange someone was talking to you and you didn't answer back."

I seemed to have the perfect answer as he started clapping his hands and said "well done!"
He went on to explain...

In live situations like we have today, you would never ignore or completely disregard someone taking to you. Yet, we do it all the time on social media channels.

This is called SOCIAL media, which means its social. And just like you would never listen to a person and ignore them in a live social setting, you should participate in the conversation through your Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter etc.

Social media can encourage relationships... but not if the conversation is one-sided. Who wants to be friends with someone who doesn't talk back in real life? That would be ridiculous. Well social media is the same. Even quiet people who don't much like to talk can at least click a "like" button of really get extreme and react bigger!

If you don't want to be social with someone, don't be their "friend."

As the facilitator suggested, we can use social media to encourage relationships and ALL good relationships have communication.

I’ve had people come up to me in grocery stores (and other places) saying “I love your posts” or “you are so inspiring” yet they have never once commented or reacted to anything I’ve “said” on social media. How would I know that this social relationship brings them value, and why would I keep them in my life if they never tell me??? Seriously. Good relationships are not one-sided.

Let's learn to keep communication strong in the 21st century even though our methods have changed and we don't have to be face to face anymore.

Just as you wouldn't keep a friend who constantly ignored you in real life, or used information they heard to talk behind your back, you shouldn't worry about keeping friends who do the same, but hide it behind a screen.

Food for thought this Monday morning!
Your communication is encouraged... as long as its positive... because I also recommend you don't keep negative people around in any forum 🙂

Did this bring you value?
SHARE it with your friends so they too gain from the message.

Corliss

A message of love...

Valentines day never meant much to me until recent years. Probably because I was in so much turmoil and chaos within myself, and within the relationships I had, I couldn't fully comprehend the power of love.

This morning I wished my son a happy Valentines Day as we were driving to school and he responded "I don't really get Valentines Day, or why its a special day."

I understand his logic there.

So I told him I used to feel the same way. But now I don't.

I asked him to think about all the people he loves in his life. Me, his sisters, his dad, his puppy... and then think about how life would be if you had no one to love. Then I explained I think a world without love would be a very sad place, and a life without anyone to love would be very cold and empty. Although we should be grateful for people we love everyday, just like every other day we celebrate like Mothers day, birthdays etc... Valentines day is a special day to remind us to be aware of how blessed we are to have anything, and anyone, to love.

He was quiet for a few minutes and before he got out of the car he said "Happy Valentines Day Mom." ❤️

I have evolved... and through my experiences, so has my perspective on things. Love of any kind is something to celebrate and today is a perfect day to be conscious of it.

💫 As Oprah is quoted saying "the more you celebrate your life, the more there is to celebrate."

💖 Celebrate SELF LOVE.
Work on being in love with the person in the mirror. The one who has been through so much and deserves to feel loved. Contrary to what some might think, self-love is not selfish; you can't truly love another until you know how to love yourself.

💖 Celebrate RELATIONSHIP LOVE
Every relationship where you feel love can be celebrated today, and every day. Friends, parents, siblings, children, pets... anyone you feel love for is a blessing and should be celebrated and embraced.

💖 Celebrate INTIMATE LOVE
If you have a partner that loves you, even when its not perhaps the best of times, if you love them most times; it should be celebrated. Remember, that WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS and if you think its "just another day" and don't celebrate your relationship, you will create more lack of and someday may regret those choices.

I understand if you are reading this and thinking it doesn't apply to you. I likely would have read this kind of post 10 years ago, rolled my eyes and thought this woman must have the perfect life because that certainly isn't something I was living, or had ever experienced.

The woman in this image today understands something different now.

I didn't understand love (or valentines day) because until I had a healthy relationship with myself, I wasn't able to participate in a healthy relationship with others. It made my cynical and negative. It made me feel all the negative feelings like jealously of those who had it, and anger towards those I expected to fill me up.

The blame game is a dangerous game to play. You gamble with your life and happiness when you look "out there" for someone else to make you feel a certain way.

So...
If this is where you are at this valentines day I suggest you...

💖 Celebrate NO RELATIONSHIP LOVE
It was in my years of being alone that I found the greatest love of all. The kind of love that is the root for all other healthy things to grow. It was time focused on me, understanding me, getting help for me and learning to love me. It wasn't always fun, and sometimes it was REALLY lonely, but once I learned to love myself I stopped being scared to be alone because I always had myself to hang out with. A healthy relationship with myself led me to healthy relationships with others. I am grateful for my ‘no relationship love’ stage.

If you ask my wonderful boyfriend if I am a hopeless romantic he would likely say not really. Although, I am a believer in the power of love... and the power of focus.

💖 This post is intended to help you focus on love as I wish you an abundance of it. Feel free to SHARE if you want to spread the love.

Happy Valentines Day,
Corliss ❤️

There will always be...

There will always be...

A little bit of self doubt.
Some fear,
And people who think you can’t.

Go for it anyway.

The doubt will fade with each small achievement.
So will the fear.
The best way to change opinions, is to show them you can.

True story:
When I was starting my Company, I went to meet with an organization who supports entrepreneurship. I shared my vision with unwavering enthusiasm.
I was so excited and optimistic.
As I explained each detail of what I wanted to do, my passion grew. I really believed I could make a positive and significant difference in the world by writing a book, being an inspiration speaker and coaching others by using my experience and knowledge.

And then it happened...
She told me that my field was “tough” and that there are “so many people coming out of the woodwork trying to make it as a coach” that I should “be realistic”.

I felt my heart hit the floor. 💔
In that moment I almost got a tear.
I mean, this person knows a lot as she supports entrepreneurs as a career.
Maybe she was right?
And then I realized...
if that’s how she supports I think I should get support elsewhere. 💡

She reminded me who I don’t want to be for others. I’ve come to understand people share those opinions based on their own beliefs, and it’s optional to accept it as your truth.

I believe you can create anything you decide and have the potential to do so. 👊🏼

You get to choose...

Who you want to be.
What you think, and what you do.
You create your life.

Be a leader.
Step up.
Show up.
Give your best.

Make your dreams happen!
I believe in you.

❤️ Corliss

Purpose Lives in Your Life Everyday

Why?

Why does a Mom leave her warm house at 6am, in the dark, to go to a freezing cold rink?

For this kid.
For this smile.
For the friendships.
For him to make memories.
Because this is his childhood.
I want him to recall it fondly.

Purpose is the reason why.
It’s the thing that motivates us.
It’s the thing that inspires us to push ourselves.
It’s what makes us do things even when we don’t feel like it.

Purpose can live in your life every day.
Parents understand this... but maybe don’t realize it.
There IS purpose.
Make it bigger than your excuses.

❤️ Corliss

PS you’ll feel the same as me.
I wouldn’t have it any other way! 😊

Is FEAR stopping you?

FEAR-
Fantasized
Experiences
Appearing
Real

Think about that for a moment.
Is the fear you feel real, or is it imagined so vividly it feels real?

I personally think we just make most of it up in our minds. We give it so much time and energy it feels like it’s valid.

Guess what? You can change your mind anytime. 😊

You may not know my battle with fear, sometimes people appear fearless, but the truth is, EVERYONE lives with fear.

Not that long ago fear was controlling my life. I was longing for more but my fear held me back.

I wanted to feel more.
I wanted my work to matter more.
I wanted more from my relationships.
I wanted to contribute more.

But the fear told me to be “realistic” and do what was safe and “appeared” certain.
Then I started questioning that.

Who decides reality?
Is there anything that is totally safe?
Where did this fear come from?

As I asked myself these questions I realized my answers were always based on the opinions of other people and what they believed, and I adapted their belief.

Why was I doing that? Most of those people had issues but I still took on their perspective and decided it was real.

After close analysis, I decided my fear is nothing but fantasized experiences that appeared real because I decided they were real in my mind.

The more thought I put into it, the stronger the fear became.

Let’s look at some of the big ones:
• People get into, or stay in relationships that make them feel alone, because they fear being alone.
• People stay in the job that doesn’t fulfill them just to keep the paycheck.
• Some don’t try their new business idea because they may not make enough money doing it.
• Maybe you are afraid to ask for what you want because you may get rejected?

Are these fears real?
* Wouldn’t you rather be alone than in a relationship (or around people) that make you feel alone?
* Are you trading your happiness (your life) for money?
* Wouldn’t you rather count on your own abilities than leave your financial future up to someone else?
* What if you ask and they said yes?

We create our reality by what we think. Don’t let your thoughts be fear based because what you are fearing is likely not real.

I changed my perspective and it changed my life. I decided to embrace fear, make more mistakes, and go for it.

And I learned this...
• To become fearless, you must be brave and have courage first •

Are your fears even real?
What if they aren’t?
What if you sacrificing your fulfillment believing those fantasized experiences are real?

In the last two days I’ve been so blessed with meaningful conversations with people who want more out of life, but their fear FEELS REAL so they don’t even try, and then convince themselves it’s the responsible thing to do.

One told me about her husband wanting them to both leave their jobs to open a business together, and another doing her “job” to get a paycheck, even though her real passion is calling her to do something else.

I asked them both the same question...
If this was the end of your life, would you regret the choice you’re making?
And,
Is that fear real?

Both knew their own answers.
You do to.

I challenge you to ask yourself...
1. What fear is holding you back?
2. Is it real?
3. Are you willing to allow that fear to run your life?

I hope you will see that your fears are only in your mind, and you can create a new reality by changing your fantasies to thoughts that excite you about living, and leading, your best life!

❤️ Corliss

Change the conversation

Is it time to change the conversation you are having with yourself?

You know,
the one where you are telling yourself you’re...
Not good enough.
There’s not enough time.
You’re too old, or too young.
Other people are better than you.
There’s not enough money.

Blah blah blah.

The average person has 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day.

Isn’t that crazy? And most of the thoughts playing in our minds are likely not encouraging. They are probably thoughts connected to something you decided about yourself a long time ago that isn't even true today.

Yet, we go about our days, doing everything we do paying little attention to the conversation we are having with ourselves. Even if not out loud... there is a conversation going on internally.

~ The thoughts we think, create our future ~

I know this is true. My whole life shifted when I changed my inner conversation.

So how do you interrupt the pattern of past?
Here are five easy steps:

#1. Become AWARE of the thoughts you are thinking. Pay attention to what is going on in your mind when you think nothing is.
#2. Ask yourself if that thought is serving you? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Optimistic about the future? Encourage you?
#3. Replace any and all thoughts with a new one that supports you and what you want to create in your life.
#4. Feed your mind with positivity. Choose good people to surround you. Read uplifting books. Listen to inspiration.
#5. Reprogram the old thought with a new one by practicing! Affirmations are so very powerful in reprogramming your thinking.

~ Change your thoughts and you will change your life ~

In recent weeks I have had conversations with many wonderful people who do not realize their unsettled feelings are deriving from the thoughts and conversations that play in their mind. I feel for them. I remember how terrible it feels to live in that place.

But I can promise them, and you, changing your life begins with changing yourself... and it IS possible to change the conversation you have with you.

I believe in you can lead your life.
You ARE a leader.
❤️ Corliss

Who influences you?

This man beside me may not have a ton of formal education, but he has taught me more than I could have learned from anyone else.

#justbeagoodperson

He taught me to be kind. He still gets tears when he sees a special YouTube video or something nice happening for someone (even a win on the Price is Right)

He and my Mom taught me to work hard and never give up. They gave me my entrepreneurial roots.

They taught me to have faith, pray and believe.

Together they showed, by example, that you just do good, and be good to people.

He taught me to value every dollar earned and be grateful.

And among other things, he gave me that kidlike perspective on life. At 76 he’s still just a big kid with a few more aches and pains.

My Dad ❤️
He showed me you don’t need a big title to lead and influence others. You can do so humbly and quietly, but still have the same impact.

There can be purpose to the pain

This photo is still one of my favorites, even 8 years later. However, behind the smiles was an unsettled home, and a lot of fear and uncertainty.
Just a few months after this picture was taken, our hearts were shattered by the reality of divorce, and a “broken” home.

I wanted the lifelong love story so bad... it was the only dream I recall having since I was a little girl. I was crushed.

"A picture is worth a thousand words," and we never really know what is going on for people. We must be careful not to judge. There is often more than meets the eye.

We all have our hardships and no life is without difficulty...

Throughout the years following the separation, there were so many moments of fear. So much grief and sadness. And so many stages of the process to conquer.

I was scared.
I was grieving.
I often didn't know what to do.
I was unsure I could survive on my own, and I certainly didn’t know if I could do it with 3 children dependent on me.

• It is in our darkest of times we find the greatest gifts •

I found my strength.
I learned the end could be the beginning.
I learned to make decisions without emotion.
I chose the high road with my actions.
I learned to have a healthy relationship with myself.
I got a renewed sense of love with an outpouring of love from the community around me.
Which gave me strength.
I broke the cycle.
I now see it was an opportunity to recreate my life. By choice.
And I have faith that all things happen as they should.

• There was a purpose to the pain •

Our family has found a new way to be. It was best for us all and now I honestly believe everything happens for a reason.

Embrace your life.
Have faith in the future.
All will be well.

If you are struggling... hang in there and believe there is a purpose to the pain, even if you can’t see it now.

❤️ Corliss

Get prepared...

Ever wish you could have a redo? A chance to do it over...
I have, many times.

I got to meet my hero.

* A lesson in preparation *

A hero is defined as "a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities"

Tony Robbins is definitely a hero to me. I dreamt of meeting him. This was a huge moment for me.
And guess what happened?
I choked!

Seriously, I choked.

I am always looking for ways to grow and learn from the best. When the Power of Success Conference notice came into my inbox, and Tony was speaking, I was anxious to reserve my seat.
Acting quickly gave me the opportunity to purchase platinum tickets to meet Tony and have my photo taken with him.
I couldn't wait, this was a HUGE for me and I couldn't wait for the day to arrive.
Being in row 3, there were many times he was standing right in front of me and I could have sworn he locked eyes with me a couple times...
lol
I honestly wondered if I was imagining it, then noticed he looked directly at other people as well so figured it must be in my head.

At the end of the event we lined up for our chance to take the photo. I was lucky #13 which was close enough to the front to hear the clear instructions to not start conversation with him as they needed to keep things moving.

I was so excited. You have to understand, this was big for me. I have been a big work in progress my whole life going from a little girl on the farm with no dreams to a devastated single mom after divorce trying to rebuild my life again. But, I have a big commitment to be my best self, and live without regret, so I have read hundreds of books on personal leadership, attended seminar after seminar and listened to podcasts faithfully for as long as I can remember. Tony was the voice in my head.

And suddenly he was standing in front of me.

I think someone guided me towards him because I froze. And almost instantly he started a conversation with me.

He asked "have we met before?"
I quietly replied "yes"
Instantly I started wondering why I said that...
Because we hadn't.
As I was debating recovering from that, he said "you look familiar, where have we met?"
Luckily at this moment I at least said "you changed my life"
The photographer stepped in to take the photo and afterward I said "actually, you helped me change my life" (only smart thing I was able to get out)
He smiled and replied "You have that exactly right. Really good to see you again" I think he was still talking and I walked away and I didn't even answer.

Good grief.
I didn't even tell him my name.
The minute I exited the room I was wishing I could take it back and have the conversation he was trying to have with me.
At least I knew to smile for the picture.

I am even laughing now sharing this story. I would have said and done something completely different if I had to do it over again. Ever wish you could take something back or have another shot at it?

That's the thing about hindsight. Am I right?

We all have things we wish we could change and do over.
This was one of those times for me.

But here's the thing... YOU GET TO CHOOSE how you react to your life events.

* Having regret doesn't change what is done. It just pulls you into a pool of self-doubt and negativity. *

* Beating up on yourself over mistakes or missed opportunities also doesn't serve you. It hurts you.*

* Learning to laugh at yourself and be okay with making mistakes will make life more fun. *

* It is better to see EVERY experience (even the one you bomb) as a chance to become better for it. *

You can bet the next time I meet Tony, or any of my other heroes, I will be ready to say... Hi I'm Corliss. I have admired your work for many years. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Wishing you a day filled with experience.
❤ Corliss

A lesson in alignment

• There’s this fine line between being driven to create what you want in your life, and being present in the moment to enjoy your life •

The struggle is real, and I know it well.

I’m a Leader...
I’m an overachiever...
I have huge expectations of myself...
I feel I have a responsibility to put my best forward; to set goals, and achieve them, so I inspire others to do the same.

These self-imposed, high standards extend into not only my work, but show up in wanting (and expecting) to be the best mom, friend and girlfriend but ALSO have a nice clean home, keep nice yard, go to church, walk my dog, exercise, volunteer, do yoga... like, seriously... there is so much to do and I EXPECT myself to do it all perfectly and flawlessly.

That’s good right??
Well it is...
until the pressure creates anxiety, worry and overwhelm.
There never seems to be enough hours and the stress builds and so does exhaustion. Or worse, health fails.

Then you may start to wonder if this is what life is supposed to be.. a big pile of pressure?

For me, it is in this time, when self doubt creeps in, fatigue follows and the fun fades away...
I wonder if I can possibly do all this? Negative self talk starts to play and escalates the whole problem until I’m in a state of mass confusion.

Do you resonate with this pattern?

And then the problem gets WORSE because I also want to be authentic and real so “faking it until I make it” doesn’t work for me... it actually makes me miserable beyond comparison because I’m old enough to know true happiness comes from within, and being true, real and genuine in who you are is a critical part of joy in life. AND this craziness multiplies when I start to wonder what everyone else is thinking...

Geez, I get tired just reading the pattern of this “do it all and be it all” chaos!

The big question is...
How does a person feel happy WHILE striving to achieve the best of everything?

• I believe the answer is in alignment •

It’s a new month and a new quarter. This is a perfect time to consider your goals, but while you do that, add 3 extra steps to your goal setting plans:

Ask yourself,
1. Why is this goal important to me? What emotional outcome do I want to experience when this goal is achieved?
2. How will I balance my well being with my hustle to get this done?
3. How can I achieve this without sacrificing my happiness? What do I need to do as part of my plan to be fulfilled WHILE I achieve these goals?

Aligning yourself with what’s important to you will help you keep focus and balance simultaneously... experiencing happiness while you achieve your goals is what I believe creates true success.

• What’s the purpose to your goals? •

No one sets goals saying “I’m going to do this so I can be unhappy and miserable because I stress myself out putting everything at risk while I achieve”

• We set goals for an emotional outcome, but it is the journey towards those goals that creates fulfillment •

To be aligned while you strive to live your best life, consider including the things that make you happy as part of your action plan. Here are some of my personal best practices:

• Start the day with me time: I find reading something inspiring, journaling and coffee in the early morning hours puts me in the power position to control my own day as it begins with being centered.
• Affirmations: reading and visualizing my goals brings me clarity, but also activates the law of attraction. The idea here is to focus on what you DO want, not what you don’t.
• Connect to purpose: revisiting my chosen purpose centers me on something way bigger than the issues that I create in my own mind, or may even be real in the outside world. Make your purpose bigger than your problems.
• I ask myself if this problem is really real? Often the issues we have are so small and insignificant in comparison to the hardships others face. A look at what others are facing jolts me back to how truly blessed I am.
• An attitude of gratitude goes a long way.
• Take time off to recharge. This one can be hard for me but when I recognize there are few things that can’t wait for a few hours until I recharge, it’s easier. I find when I give myself the PJ day, I’m more productive later anyway. Or... coffee with a friend... just to have coffee is okay. Some days it’s okay to take s break and just be.
• Connect to a higher power. Pray, meditate or have your conversation with the universe as a daily practice. This one step will create a more centered you.
• Surround yourself with inspiring people. I don’t think I need to say much more about that. But when you measure your happiness in this moment, check to see whose around you as who is there is likely contributing to it.

You are a LEADER.
That means you get to choose your life.
Choose intentionally to go after creating what you want but being fulfilled and happy while you do it!

Wishing you a wonderful October and a happy, successful and fulfilled finish to the last quarter of 2018!

With love and gratitude for taking the time to read,

Corliss

A Story of Determination

I’ve learned many things from my parents. They taught me to value family first, have faith and to work hard.

I’m grateful for my humble beginnings on the farm.

As much as a admired other kids for all the vacations they got to take, designer clothes they got to wear and the cars they got to drive... looking back now I know I was gifted with something far more special than money could buy.

There were many times the weather didn’t cooperate, machinery broke down or the plants didn’t grow... but without knowing, I learned everything I needed to succeed as an entrepreneur from watching my parents determination.

You see...

Farmers put the seed in the ground then invest many hours of hard work and massive amounts of money hoping the seed will grow. They remain determined even though they don’t get to paid. As a matter of fact, they spend more than they make holding onto hope that the investment will be worth it.

That’s what being a leader is.

They believe and stay determined.
They have vision and work towards it.. even before there is something to see.
They have faith that effort is always rewarded.

• Leaders never quit •

If you are an entrepreneur, like me, and feel like you are investing so much and haven’t been able to reap the rewards yet..

Remember the lesson I learned from my parents.

You can’t have harvest without putting the seed in the ground and nurturing it to grow.

Be a LEADER.
Keep believing.
Stay determined.
Do your best.

Your “harvest” will come.
Xx Corliss

What you focus on grows

Have you ever viewed your behaviors as if watching a show on TV? 

Recently I had that experience. I had a phone call with a Coach assigned to me by my sales organization. The idea of the call was to discuss future business, create strategic plans and get excited about what was coming up. We spoke for almost an hour, and by the time we ended the call, I felt like I needed to take a nap. That is not the purpose of a coaching call.

Usually after you speak with a Coach, you feel focused with a plan and are optimistic about the future. I have had that positive experience many times working with this same mentor for many years. I asked myself, what was the difference this time... the answer was clear. It was me. 

I thought about our conversation. I reflected on the things we discussed. If I was honest, I was completely responsible for our failed conversation. By spending the entire time together focused on the issues, I wasn't present to looking for solutions. This mindset was not at all productive. When she attempted to bring me back to a more positive and productive conversation, I acknowledged her words only momentarily, then went back to complaining.  I lacked ownership and spent the entire call focused on all that wasn't working... no wonder I felt exhausted after we spoke. I can only imagine how she must have felt by the time we ended our conversation. 

What we focus on grows. 

What we concentrate our thoughts on will not only determine our results, but it will often determine our level or happiness and joy as well. 

This concept applies to all aspects of our lives. 

Have you ever had something annoy you about your partner? Then once aware of that annoyance, you notice it more and more . Until one day you can't stand it anymore, bring it to their attention, perhaps harshly... they are blindsided as they didn't even know it was an issue. The once small problem becomes a much bigger issue as you concentrate your thoughts on it, and it grows into something bigger. 

Mastering your mindset is the first and most powerful step in self mastery. 

As I get older, I recognize more and more that we are creating our lives by how we think. It is said that the average person has 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. There is so much happening in every moment that we may not be aware of what we are thinking. If we spent a day paying close attention to our thoughts, we may be very surprised how often we think thoughts that don't support us.

One of the homework assignments for my Masterclass is for the participants to wear an elastic on their wrists for one week between sessions. They are encouraged to pay close attention to their thinking, and each time they think a thought that doesn't serve them, they gently snap the elastic and replace the thought with one that DOES support them. 

The first step in all change is acknowledgement. We must recognize what needs to be changed before we can change it. With heightened awareness we can identify areas to improve. Most are surprised with how negatively they speak to themselves, but also how quickly they can change how they feel, by replacing the thought with an encouraging one. 

Change your thoughts, change your life. 

Do you think thoughts of self love, or self doubt?

Are your thoughts fear based, or do you have faith in the future and your abilities? 

Are you positive or negative?

Mindset matters, and how we think is always a choice. 

As a Mom I am always trying to encourage positive self esteem. My son is eleven and as a normal child, he is affected by the words of his Teachers, coaches, other children at school, and often compares his abilities to those around him. Recently, we were heading to a tryout for lacrosse when he said to me  "I probably won't make a good team" When I asked him why he would say that, he responded "because I don't think I'm any good. Almost everyone is better than me"

If you are a parent, I am guessing you already see the issue and know my response was along the lines of "do your best"... "I think you are great"... and "I believe in you"... but what's interesting, is often we can see clearly how others (including our children) are their own worst enemy by how they think and then talk to themselves, but we don't recognize, we do the same thing to ourselves. 

In this case, with my son thinking he isn't any good, he would likely perform at that level, which would then confirm his negative thinking by qualifying for a lower level team. I asked him, would you ever say that to a friend? Would you ever tell your friend they aren't good and probably won't make an A team? He said "of course not"

It's so much easier to encourage others, than it is to encourage ourselves. 

We think a thought, the thought creates a feeling. That feeling determines our actions (or lack of action if its negative) and our actions determine results. 

With this we can see that the results we have are directly affected by the thoughts we think. Choose your thoughts carefully. 

Live your best life, with purpose. 

xo Corliss

Living... not existing!

Today is a day I won't ever forget. It's a very chilly -38 in Saskatchewan. Usually I would stay indoors and enjoy the benefits of self employment, but I have a coffee date I've already rescheduled twice because of my busy schedule. I couldn't bring myself to ask her to reschedule again, especially when she has already been so patient and accommodating.

God works in mysterious ways. I think perhaps the Universe had a hand in this one as well. 

I have been inspired to cause real change in my life since last Christmas. I was not living fully and I knew it. I had become dispassionate about quite frankly, almost everything in my life. I was living on autopilot. I was lacking purpose, and instead of complaining about it any longer, I decided to bravely pursue something I WAS passionate about... helping people. 

How could I have known the incredible people I would meet because of this new choice to start living, instead of just existing. 

This time I had a different conviction to my decision. I didn't just set a goal, I made a commitment to my vision with a PLAN. The plan included, every single day... reading, watching or listening to something inspiring. Funny how when you are looking for something, it starts to show up everywhere you look. 

I noticed a social media post called "6 months to dream" with a beautiful family of 3 under the title. Intrigued, I opened it up to be touched by the story of a young woman who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Faced with this prognosis, she decided to live out her days on her own terms, doing the things that she loved, with those she loves most. I was so inspired by her story, I reached out to her Sister who had started the Go Fund Me page to ask if she would help arrange for us to meet.  

Things happened very quickly after that. Time is precious, and two women on a mission know this. We planned our meeting over Facebook messenger and I was excited to get to know her. I knew if I was inspired by her, my readers would be as well, and her story should be in my book. Without meeting her I couldn't be certain, but something told me she would want to inspire others for years to come. Perhaps I could help make that happen in a published book.  

I walk into the coffee shop and immediately notice this beautiful young woman at the counter. I have only seen pictures of her on her page... she is even more beautiful in person. Perhaps it is because I can feel her inner beauty now that I am near her. 

I begin by taking notes, then find that distracting because I am more interested in what she has to say than documenting it perfectly. I wanted to be fully present to her story.

I can hardly imagine, at 24 years of age, 2 days after my wedding,  hearing the words... you have cancer. The Doctors took swift action and within weeks she had a full hysterectomy and although not clear of the cancer, she was given a renewed hope she would live. 

The spots were there, and being monitored, but her health, for the most part, was okay. A pregnant woman heard of her story and reached out offering that she adopt her unborn child. How could this be happening? It's almost unreal. She would get a chance to live, plus become a Mother... her daughter was born, and home within a few days of birth, and life was good.  

As it happens, cancer has made its reappearance, and in March, 2017, Colleen was given 6 months to live. In shock and disbelief, Colleen chose to dream and LIVE out her days with a renewed sense of purpose. She says she had an "awakening". This news helped her define what was really important to her, and focus her time and energy on those things. 

Through her eyes I see my own life differently.

I asked her, facing this, what advice she would give people. Thoughtfully she answered: 

* Know what is important to you, and give all your attention to that. (purpose) 

* Be mindful and spend time with those you love so that they have beautiful memories to reflect on about your time together. 

* Don't wait. ACT on life and BRAVELY do the things you want to do. Even if your scared. "To many people have regrets" 

* Have faith. Everything really does happen for a reason. "I believe that" 

And much more... 

But what really struck me in our conversation was this... 

She said to me, "I feel lucky". I get choked up just typing that. She meant it.

She explained, if I hadn't received the cancer diagnosis, I wouldn't have become a Mother to our daughter. If I had not have been given "6 months to dream", I wouldn't have done all the travel I have, or wasted time on unimportant things. "I am lucky I have had time to fully live".  

That really hit me. 

We are all so blessed with time, good health and opportunity, and we often don't see ourselves as "lucky". Her sense of gratitude and profound appreciation for how precious life is, has touched me deeply. We take so much for granted, and often only "wake up" to truly live, when life gives us a circumstance out of our control. 

I hope Colleens story inspires you to live, not just exist, as there is no guarantee for any of us.   

Bless you Colleen, and THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for so freely sharing your life and story with us all. 

xx Corliss 

How to have purpose in your everyday life

Purpose is a BIG word. 

Some people connect it with God, the Universe, or whatever Higher Power they believe in, and therefore unless you are Ghandi or Mother Teresa (or someone similar to their significance) its not likely you will fulfill some great impact in the World by living your "ordinary" or regular life.

I think otherwise.

I think we ALL have the power to live a meaningful life, filled with purpose, and that we can apply our unique gifts to everything we do, so that purpose lives in our everyday lives. 

Let's look at it like this; if you could be, do or GIVE anything to the world what would it be? What special gift do you have that people consistently say when describing you? Or, if you come up without an answer to that question... what would you like people to say about you when they describe you? 

Simply said, you could begin living with purpose everyday by applying those gifts to all you do. 

Here is an example to help explain this further: 

Perhaps you are someone who wants to be remembered for the love, laughter and the acceptance you give people. That is your "purpose".

In your life each day, you could fulfill that purpose by choosing to come from a place of love rather than hate. You may make a big effort to not take life to seriously, and therefore make people laugh when they could otherwise feel stressed or sad. Or, you might listen to understand in a situation, instead of judging. When you do that you are allowing others to feel accepted. 

These are ways you can live out your purpose of love, laughter and acceptance. You give life to your purpose when you act on it. No matter where you are, you choose to live by the guidance of your purpose. 

Finding purpose doesn't have to be that big or complicated. It can just simply be a way of being, and a guiding light in how you live. 

So what are your gifts? What do you want to be known for? 

Love, Joy, being Positive, Empowered, Strong, Giving, Spontaneous, Generous etc etc. 

You decide, and then in everything you, do apply that purpose to your lives. 

I know someone who works at a bank full time, she is a Mother of 3 and a step Mom to a fourth. She is so busy! Her to do list is long, and her life is consumed with responsibilities. Yet, when I see her at the hockey rink, she always has a couple extra kids as she is watching the Coaches children while he is on the ice, because their Mom is at work. She always has an ear for other Moms, is patient and selfless in her actions and offers to give rides to other players if their Parents have other commitments. And she does it all with a smile. 

I don't know if this amazing woman has defined her purpose, but if I was to make an observation based on what I see, I would say she is generous, loving and supportive and that "purpose" likely shows up at work, at home and in her relationships. 

Be intentional in your life... choose to define your special gifts, and go give that to the world. You CAN live with purpose in your "everyday" life. 

xo Corliss 

Focus on giving your best

How high are your standards? People who are seeking personal growth generally have high ones...  if you are a Virgo, like me, you likely come by it honestly to expect almost near perfection in everything you do. That is not necessarily a bad thing, until you can't feel proud of yourself or recognize how far you have come. 

As evolving humans, we can only do as much as we can do, with what we have. As the saying goes, "you don't know, what you don't know" so the idea of simply giving your best allows you the freedom (and peace) or knowing you have done all you can, with what you know at the time. Your best! 

I began applying this principle while pursuing my career in sales. I was so focused on getting recognition as I was simply not confident in who I was... that I wasn't "good enough" and getting recognition would prove to the world that I was significant, and valuable.

What I was really trying to do was feel worthy by gaining others praise, and in hindsight, well, we all know... that is a losing battle. No matter how many awards I received, I was left feeling like I needed to do more... especially since the "high" or recognition is short lived...  unless its used as a tool to measure how far you have come, and to see your growth through the accomplishment.  

Society has placed almost impossible standards upon us to be it all. The perfect weight, career, home, organization, marriage, children... OMG... How can one live up to that? Here is a trick I learned in my evolution as a human being... just give your best. It is not everyone elses standard that matters, it is only your own that does.  

With the simple idea of "giving your very best' in any given situation, or at any given time, you can forgive yourself when you need to because no one can do more than their best- right?  

This strategy can be applied to parenting as well. I recall times my kids felt extreme disappointment when they didn't make the top level team they wanted to, or didn't get first place in a sport or activity... it's so hard not being able to "fix" it for our little humans.

As they grew, I noticed that they began to measure their worth based on their accomplishments. I want more for them than that. If they have to gain anothers approval to feel like a success, then they are destined to never feel good about themselves long term. I changed my strategy as I grew as a Parent. I tried to teach them it is your own standard that matters, and if you gave your best, then you can feel good about what you did no matter what the outcome. 

The big question after a test that they didn't get a good mark on, a B side qualifying finish on a sports team, or a less than favorable finish at a dance competition was always... did you give your best? If they said yes, (sometimes with tears in their eyes) then my response was always the same. "well then you can be very proud of yourself, and I am so proud of you too." The odd occasion the answer was "not really"... and another valuable lesson was learned. They would arrive at their own conclusion that next time, they would give their best (practice or study more) so they could feel proud of their effort... and that they rose to the occasion by bringing their best. 

If you really think about it, how can we ever expect anything more of ourselves than the best we have? Focus on giving your best... that is enough... YOU are enough. 

Much love, Corliss 

What is purpose?

Have you ever felt excited about a goal? Like REALLY connected to it... in a way that will make you do things that you fear, or make you uncomfortable. If you have, then you know what its like to live with purpose!

noun: purpose; plural noun: purposes

the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

"the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee"

Many people go through life on autopilot... going through the motions, feeling less than content. Are you one of those people? Getting up and living the same day... everyday... doing the same unfulfilling job, running errands to the same places, tackling the never ending to do list, and binging on Netflix? If you are, I hope you are ready for a change.

"Build a life you don't need a vacation from" Rob Hill Sr.

At any moment, things can change for any one of us. Wouldn't you rather live all your days feeling like you took control of your life? I call this living intentionally. It is when you CHOOSE how you live, instead of taking whatever life gives you. This is PURPOSE.

Begin with then end in mind... 

Before I plan an event, write a blog, do a live video or prepare a meeting agenda, I ask myself... what is my objective (or purpose)? When I define that, I plan the content and action steps based on what the purpose is. Knowing what I want the end result to be, helps me with the action required to meet that objective. I leave the experience feeling like a success! Mission accomplished! 

I have had the opportunity many times to Coach people to success. In business, and in life. Our conversations begin with "what do you want?" Often they list things like "extra money", "pay off debt" or "to meet people". These are all surface answers. I know this, as my next question is "does this goal excite you enough to do things that scare you, or make you uncomfortable?" Most times they tell the truth and reply "no". Then we dig deeper, and more often than not, the real goal comes out. I hear something very different...  "I want to feel successful, like I achieved something great", or "I would love to earn enough money to stay home and raise my children. They are growing so fast"!

Even if the goal truly is to earn more money, its not the burden of debt that lights them up, its the FEELING of what their days would feel like if they weren't stressed about money, or fighting with their spouse over the issue. 

You can visually see when they have a goal they truly connect with, one with bigger purpose. Generally there is some sort of excitement or emotion when they say it. I watch them imagine how achieving that goal would feel, and they can't help but become emotional. Often, there are tears. These emotions are good! You know you found something meaningful to walk towards when you feel like that. Don't ignore it. 

How do we begin to live more intentionally? 

1. Take responsibility for every area of your life. If you aren't feeling alive and excited about your job, relationships, home, health or otherwise... it is only you that can make a change. Not that you need to leave it (unless that is what you decide you need to do) but instead, it might just be changing the places you frequent, planning for a change of scenery, getting counselling, taking dance lessons, doing a hobby you have always wanted to...  Change begins with owning your life, and everything in it! Even the simple act of DECIDING what things need to change, puts you on the path of purpose. 

2. Ask that difficult question... what do I want? Then ask again... what do I really want? Write down your answers. Sometimes taking the confusion out of your head and onto paper can cause clarity and you may be surprised what comes out. Ask the question and let it flow. 

3. Be courageous! Once you know what you really want, act on it! Nothing changes if you don't change. If its to overwhelming...  just take the first step. There is something very empowering about taking action towards what we want. 

4. Believe in yourself. Yes, it sounds cliche... but its true. Believe you deserve the greatest life! Believe you have the power to cause change. Believe you are worth it. I do. I really do. YOU ARE MADE TO LIVE FULLY. YOU HAVE ALL IT TAKES. YOU DESERVE... 

Wishing you purpose.

Your friend,

Corliss  

Are you surviving or thriving?

The more conversations I have with people, the more I am noticing a trend.

Middle aged people, like myself, have become robotic in their lives.

Yesterday a Mom shared her story with me. It says so much, I feel a need to share it with you.

The day in the life of a deserving, hard working Mom:

Everyday I get up, exhausted. I begin with coffee to wake me up, but, usually I end up microwaving it because its cold by the time I get to drink it. I get doing my "to do" list and forget to even enjoy it. Then I get the kids up and the chaos begins. I plan out everything we will need for school and afterschool. Sometimes prepare supper at 7am, as I won't have time later. Kids are gone but no peace for me because I clean up, throw in laundry (or fold the ones I forgot about in the dryer) before racing to work. Then I do my job. The same job I've done for a decade.  All day. I've been doing this for many years and while I'm doing it, I find my mind wanders and I wonder why on earth I'm still here, and I wonder if there is more to life? But I do it anyway. What else am I going to do?

I get the kids afterschool and I have it clocked that I have 10 minutes to be there from work. The problem is, if someone shows up late for their appointment, my heart races because now I will be late too. The kids are waiting for me when I arrive. We eat in the car and get to their activities. I sit and watch and am happy I get to do it. But then we are home late, do homework, and after I clean everything up and prepare for the next day, I hit the bed exhausted knowing I have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.

She got tears in her eyes telling me this.

She is not the only one. I can relate. I bet you can too. I call this survival mode.

Survival mode has kicked in for me when I wasn't even aware I was there. The times when there was so much to manage that I didn't even have time to think or realize I was just going through the motions. Many, like myself go into survival when they experience some sort of life trauma like loss of someone they love, a job termination, divorce etc.

A Single career person story:

The younger generation has this feeling of being lost and at the mercy of life's circumstances too. A 24 year old said to me a while back, that she went to university for 4 years to now be in the career that she hates. She dreads going to work everyday. But she does, because she has a "good paying" job and her parents spent so much money for her education. She feels trapped by the career choice for this reason, and now goes to work at something she doesn't like because of the money invested to get it. 

Again, survival mode.

Do we really want to live this way? Do we want to just survive, or do we want to thrive?

We can't control what life gives us sometimes. There are things that happen we can't always control. But if you are living in survival mode, there may be a choice that you DO control, that could change how you live your days. 

An example would be... if you don't spend your days doing a job you love, then perhaps its time to reconsider what you WOULD love? Then you could enroll in part time classes to get the dream job, or dust off the resume and apply for a change of careers? Who knows... a year from that decision for change,  you could be loving your life and spend your days working, earning and ENJOYING what you are doing?

Perhaps you could hire someone (and create a job which feels good) to clean your house so that when you are home you have time to drink that coffee before its cold, or read a book with your child (who is growing up fast)?

When we get more intentional in our days, and we get perspective on what our purpose is, we immediately live more in THRIVING than surviving. Purpose in life can be as simple as knowing what is important to you, then living each day with that purpose as your focus.

Does that make sense?

It is my mission to help more people... be happy. To be happy everyday because they are living how they want to. And although the choices to change things up might be scary, the rewards are far greater!

Lead Your Life with your choices! You can do it and I can help :)

Wishing you purpose, Corliss

Have you evolved?

Recently I had a conversation with a VP of a large North American Company. It was the kind of conversation that went deeper than the surface. The kind that makes you reflect on where you have been, where you are at, and ultimately where you are going. 

It got me thinking about how we evolve through our experiences, and how each life experience brings us to a new place in which we are ready for the next experience, or phase of life. Almost like a child going through school... we don't go from Grade 1 to Grade 12 overnight as we wouldn't be ready at age 5 for what we will be ready for at age 17. We learn throughout each year academically, socially, emotionally etc.

As adults its the same. We learn as we go and each experience prepares us for the next.  

I will use myself as an example and perhaps you can relate. My career in Direct Sales has prepared me to master skills such as goal setting, creating vision, being self disciplined and handling rejection. Its also taught me to listen, manage my time, resolve conflict, create team spirit and celebrate success. And even more, it has prepared me to be an event planner, a motivational speaker and a personal coach to others! 

On a personal side, divorce had many lessons as well. I learned how strong I am and what I deserve. I can be independent. I was given opportunities to choose "bitter or better" from the experience, and that I am capable of handling myself with class and dignity even in the most trying of times. It made me a better Mother with more clarity about what sort of role model I want to be for my children, and the freedom to make my own choices in my own life. 

The definition of EVOLVE:

"to come forth gradually into being" 

"to gradually change one's opinions or beliefs"

Think about your own career and significant life experiences and how they have prepared you to be ready for the next. I bet if you credit yourself on how far you have come, you will not be as afraid to listen to your intuition, then pursue the next experience with passion, belief in self, and enthusiasm! 

You've evolved! Give yourself that :)   

I invite you to comment on how you have grown and evolved.  Or how your beliefs have changed from your life experience. I'd really love to know you are reading this blog,  and encourage you to join this conversation. 

Wishing you a life With Purpose, Corliss 

Not every day will be a good day

I'm pretty sure it's unrealistic to think that every day we will feel happy. Today I could count a thousand things to be grateful for, and yet I'm not bursting with joy. Even after making a list. Nothing bad has happened. Life is good. So why do we feel this way sometimes?

There have been other days like this. For me, and for others.

I have decided that its just being human. It is just life. Not everyday will be a great day. So what do we do about it?

I think the first step is to recognize it, and with that recognition, we will feel better knowing its just the day. And it's NORMAL. There are so many things that can affect how we feel. Our bodies change, the weather, outside influences like world events, and even just not getting a good nights rest. I for one, am an ambitious person who desires living fully and excited everyday. There is no time to waste on feeling ... blah! This adds pressure to me to feel my best ALWAYS. But the reality is, its not realistic to feel 100% every single moment. Even the greatest role models have "off" days. So what to do once we recognize it?

I'm going to give myself a break! We can't be perfectly "on" every single day. And on any given day, we can feel less than inspired.

So at this moment, its a perfect time to do things that make me happy and reconnect with myself. Perhaps journaling, studying my vision, yoga, meditation, exercise, talking with a friend or reading a book of inspiration. These things all help with mindset and can support how quickly things will turn around and feel better! Change your thoughts and change your life is something I truly believe. But I also believe some days it may not happen as easily as others. 

Do you agree?

Wishing you well and much happiness MOST of your days :)

What does it really mean to "Lead Your Life"

One of my most respected Authors is Jack Canfield. His book "The Success Principles" is an everyday read for me.

The very first principle is Take 100% Responsibility for Your life. The chapter is filled with wisdom and I know I had to read it a few times to fully comprehend what was written.

So often we look to outside sources to find happiness. I know I have been guilty of this. Getting caught up in what's going on out there, and not recognizing that there is always a choice. When I place blame, or give power to whatever is going on I don't like, I make myself a victim to the situation. That means I give up all my power and "responsibility" that my life is my own. If I do not like what is going on, then I can choose to do something about it! Right?

Being responsible can mean making a new choice either to how we look at it, how long we stay part of the problem, or how we respond to the situation.

I have fully embraced this principle... and although I'm a work in progress, I am confidently taking steps towards seeing my life is my own.

I founded my own Company called With Purpose Consulting & Motivation as I feel I have a message to share that can support people in living more meaningful lives. I am excited to begin the very first 4 week class session I have named "Lead Your Life". The whole class design is about being responsible for our own happiness. We will walk through the process of designing and achieving the ultimate life! It's all very exciting and I am confident that all participants will give the class a big thumbs up! My vision is that I will get as much value from facilitating the sessions as each of them will.

But what does it mean to Lead Your Life? In my opinion, it's about DECIDING not accepting. Deciding how you live, how you spend your time, whose in your life, and what level of joy and happiness you'll feel every single day!
Leading our lives is the difference between being a victim of life's circumstances versus empowered to live how we want. I for one am choosing to LEAD instead of accept.

Are you?

The difference between an ordinary and extraordinary person are the choices they make. I think we should all commit to being responsible for our own lives, and all that happens within. That is how we will lead our lives.

Corliss